I’ve been an Eircom broadband customer for the last 5 years or so. My livelihood depends on me being able to access the internet from home on a reliable, fast connection. I send and receive large amounts of data in the course of my work, including lots of high-res images, video, xml files, as well as weekly updates for my Mac and a variety of Linux machines. Add to that video-conferencing, conceptshare, skype and that’s a shit-load of ones and zeros coming and going from casa McClean.
My humble 2 megabit home connection used to be able to handle all these tasks with ease. I had a consistent and predictable upload and download speed. I knew how long things would take to do. I was happy. My computers were happy. Rascal the dog was happy.
A month ago, this all changed. I decided to upgrade to the Home Plus 3 megabit broadband. This is where the shit started.
At first, it was awesome. I was getting a constant 330 KB/ps download speed and plenty of upload. More than I needed. And it was brilliant.
For about 3 days.
Suddenly, for no apparent reason, my download speed would drop to 39 KB/ps. My upload speed remained the same. At times it actually exceeded my download rate. I thought to myself that there must be some wireless interference or whatever, so I changed channels on the wireless router, locked down MAC addresses, changed my WPA key, made sure router firmware was up to date.
No dice.
Plugged directly into the router’s Ethernet.
No dice.
Swapped out the router. Replaced DSL filter.
No dice.
This goes on for 3 weeks. Final straw, I ring up Eircom broadband tech support. Having worked in tech support as a young fella, I know the most annoying thing in the world is the customer who thinks he knows more than the guy on the other end of the phone, so I say nothing and let him go through the script. He’s a very helpful and nice chap.
We reboot and reset the router. We test the line. We check the old TCP/IP settings. We make sure the cables are plugged in.
No dice.
After about twenty minutes or so, the tech support guy concedes that it’s a service issue. He directs me towards the Eircom speed test page where we confirm that yes, I am getting a tenth of the download speed I should be getting and that my upload speed is normal.
Great, I think. We’re getting somewhere. The problem is visible and measurable. It’s not on my side. Let’s fix it, Eircom dude! We can do this, man. You and me.
So what can we do to resolve this?, I ask.
Nothing, he says.
Excuse me?
Nothing, sir. I will give you a reference number. We have to do this speed test a few more times to make sure that there is definitely a problem. When you test it again, use this reference number.
Wait a sec… didn’t we just spend the last twenty minutes working everything back to the point that it is a service issue? It’s been like this for three weeks.
Yes, sir. But we need to do the test a number of times.
Uhhh, okay. How many times?
Maybe seven, maybe ten.
Wait, what?
Seven to ten times, sir.
Over what period of time?
Whenever your connection is bad.
But it’s been bad for three weeks. We’ve been through this.
Yes sir, but we need to do the speed test seven to ten times to understand the frequency of the service issue.
So I need to phone you guys back, quote the reference number you give me, go through twenty minutes of restarting and rebooting everything another seven to ten times?
Yes sir.
Despite the fact that you already know that it’s a service issue?
Yes sir.
Okay then. Uh, thanks… I guess.
Goodbye sir.
That’s bullshit, Eircom. Bullshit excuse and bullshit customer service. If you were operating in any other country apart from Ireland you would be fucked. I haven’t even touched on privacy issues (pussies).
Eircom account canceled. BT is ordered, paid for and is being installed tomorrow.
Never again.
